Let's get this party started...

Well, it's a walk, not a party.  But now that I have your attention...

It's normal for the momentum surrounding someone's personal cause to fizzle out over time.  Things become habitual, life carries on, people move it to the back of their minds.

And there are other causes people would rather support.  I completely get that.

When I started my blog and my fundraising group last year, I knew this would be the case.  Honestly, though, I did not expect such a huge difference.  It's slower this time.  With not as much excitement.

This year, I wonder.  People seem more reluctant to join the team or to donate.  Is this because it's not a new thing for me?  MS is not the monopolizer of all my thoughts?

So, I am writing to share with you my passion for this cause. 

This journey is one I'll never be able to leave.  One that changes, alters, gets better, gets worse.  I fight it every day - sometimes silently. 

Some days just thinking about it consumes me.  I worry about my odds - will I be able to walk next year?  In 5 years?  10 years?  Will I lose my sight again?  What will this do to my children's lives?

Other days, weeks even - it hardly gets a second.  Just a fleeting glance as I inject my medication.

And the support, in whatever form, I get from anyone, at any time of the year, is appreciated and cherished.

But the rallying together for one big event really drives this home for me.  I can fight this battle.  And there is hope for my future. 

Being surrounded by people you love, supporting and cheering, is one of the best feelings in the world.

I hope this doesn't come off as a plea for your money.  It's not.  Because really - joining the team (for the locals) means much more!

And for those who have had to endure this ramble on more than one occasion - thank you for just smiling and nodding!

Knock on wood

Or, as my Nanny used to do, I'll knock on my noggin.

This is the longest stretch I've had without new symptoms and without the need for IV steroids since my diagnosis.

The usual stuff persists, but I am happy to live with it.

And life is much easier without that slightly-manic what if  that creeps in with new symptoms.

In fact - it's freeing.  The energy that usually is devoted to such worry is now being spent on reading more, playing with the boys more, and of course, just sitting - still.

It is also time to really get going with fundraising for the MS Walk.  If you haven't joined the team already, click here to join.

And if you'd like to donate to this very worthy cause, any amount is much appreciated.  You'd get a super cool button too:

New Year's Eve

Resolutions.  I hate them.  Because I always set myself up to fail.

Stop biting my nails, stop cracking my knuckles.

This year - I just want happiness.  I want to make choices in my life that induce it. Surround myself with the people and things that conjure up a laugh or smile.

I wouldn't label that a resolution, per se, but rather a more conscious way of living.

2013 was my first full year living with my new normal.   Trying to embrace this permanently-revised-version-of-me. 

With full candor, it started with incredible amounts of fear and anxiety.

But, the acceptance I have been (impatiently) searching for - regarding my disease - has finally shown its head.  The process has been emotionally encompassed.  It took about 16 months. 

Much longer than anticipated.  But I am okay with that.

Now, it feels part of me.  Not all of me.

I can inject myself daily, without a second thought, I can deal with symptoms, daily, and move on.  And - the big one for me - I can look at young people with canes, wheelchairs, and scooters without that I-need-to-breathe-into-a-bag hypothetical dread.

Of course, it is still an evolving acceptance.  One that continues to pose many questions and doubts.

But I am so proud of my 2013.  Simply for recognizing and accepting my fate.

Here's to an incredible 2014 for us all!

Holiday riddance!

It's that time.  Chuck out the tree, get rid of the festive-smelling candles.  Find all glitter, and suck it away.  Be gone, holiday-house-vomit.

Holiday time is as exciting as it gets, and this year was a good one (thank you, boys, you make Christmas so fun).

But, I am happy to have my living room back. 

And I am thrilled to report I cooked, hosted (read: survived.  Thank you wine) my first ever solo Christmas dinner.  Lots of family were away this year, so it was small and simple, but I plan to use the but-I-did-Christmas-2013 'til it goes out of style.

For the enquiring minds out there, yes, I got my coveted garlic press!  And some other practical goods:

And there you are...  an I-got-woken-up-at-4:45-am picture of me in my reindeer jammies.  Gum and Tylenol, apparently I use a lot of it?

But better than any gift under the tree or in a stocking, were the smiles of excitement and happiness planted on my boys' faces.  A truly wonderful gift, chaos and all.

I hope you all had a chance to revel in happiness and love.  In whatever form it comes to you.

Over-sensation

Ah, Christmastime.  So relaxing, so calm.

Or in this family - a complete frenzy of everything.

And how does my body react?

The brain fog moves in; weakness and dizziness; and I start fainting.  And it happened at the grocery store again. 

I now recognize this feeling so well I know I have about 5 minutes to sit down, eat, and cool off.  I know what my triggers are.  Otherwise it's splat.

So there I sat, down the vitamin aisle (the only place I could find a chair;  I guess vitamins are a very contemplative shopping experience).  I swiped a Kit Kat bar, ate it, then stuck my head between my legs.

It's not a "normal" light-headed spinning feeling.  It's more of a my-brain-has-stopped-working-and-only-communicates-in-semi-conscious-buzzes. 

I can only focus on one sound or thought or sight at a time.

The strangest (over-) sensation.

But luckily, all the Christmas preparations are done.  Dinner is planned and shopped for, the presents are bought and wrapped.  I can just sit in bed and ride this one out.  Heaven, right?

Dust off your walking shoes...

It's time to join my team for the MS Walk!  Join me on Sunday, April 13, in Vancouver.  It is a beautiful walk around Stanley Park, accessible to all, and I would love to see you and your families there.

We all wear yellow (usually tacky), have signs, banners, balloons, and buttons - it is truly a fun and important day.

Or, if you are feeling generous, please support this most important cause with a donation.

Multiple Sclerosis is a debilitating disease with no cure that affects approximately 100,000 Canadians.  It is a very personal disease that affects no two people the same.  Research is desperately needed to investigate treatment options, and perhaps, one day, a cure.

Team Making Lemonade is back for 2014! 

Click here to join or donate.

Time for some sap

I realize my last post may have been a little bah humbug.  A little too negative.

Because, in all reality, I love this time of year.  And it's not fair to downplay that.  To forget how important Christmas was to me as a kid.  The familial bickering about whether the turkey was cooked.  Is that odd jello salad dinner or dessert?

It's important to pass that sense of wonder, and hilarity, on.

Sure, the little rascals are already waking up extra early (simmer down boys, 9 nights to go).  We are singing ghastly renditions of all-things-Christmas, and I may have spent all of last Saturday in sweat pants, eating chips and watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

It's not about the gifts (all I really want this year is a good book and a new garlic press) and it's not about money.  It's about taking stock of what we have.  What we already have.  What makes our clocks tick and our lives go on.  And celebrating that. (Mental note for next week, Sarah).

And to let the magic soak right in.  Early morning boogers and all.

Thanks M, for filling my freezer once again, and for bringing me a few holiday treats.  This simple act will reduce my stress, symptoms, and anxiety.  I appreciate you more than you know. 

(And you have great taste in wine...)