Exhaustion

One of the biggest ongoing symptoms of MS is extreme exhaustion.  This, I have suffered with for many years.  Even pre-kids, I would often want to spend my time napping - or not have enough energy for simple things.

Now, with 2 kids, plus the diagnosis, I find myself asking "Am I tired because I have 2 young, busy kids or I am tired because of the MS?"  It is this revolving door of symptoms, and for me, a lack of explanation.  Back and forth from Motherhood to multiple sclerosis.  Ironically enough - some of MS's biggies are also a typical young Mom's life - exhaustion, baby-brain forgetfulness and Mommy-bladder.  It's a double-whammy of fun.

Sitting here right now... one kid is at school, the other is napping.  And I just woke up from a nap.  Nice and rested now?  Nope.  Now I am having some tea (going full-force caffeinated and not my usual anti-inflammatory green) in hopes of some energy.  Maybe stick my head out the front door - fresh air has gotta help, right?

And I think of how to explain it.  It's not an "I've been at work for 10 hours today" kind of tired, or a "I have a new baby and only get to sleep in 45 minute spurts" kind of tired.  It's a "I feel like my entire body is encased in armour and I physically have to focus on pushing through the weight and sheer exhaustion to do anything."  And I suppose the word "tired" doesn't cut it.... it's exhaustion.  It's fatigue.

I used to think this was normal.  I was a Mom.  I was supposed to feel like this all the time.  But now I know that this is different.  So, so incredibly different.  It is physical and mental.  And it is, for the most part, always there. 

I know that lifestyle choices are going to help this.  I have started with diet changes and the introduction of supplements.  I am trying to de-stress and relax more.  Honestly - the best decision I have made (and never in a million years did I think I'd be saying this) was quitting my job.  It wasn't because of the MS - but coincided exactly with the diagnosis.  As much as I still love it, and do miss it - there is no more rushing, no more commuting, and finally - finally - I have some time to put myself first.  To have some selfish time to listen to my body and not tell it to shut-up.  I am so appreciative of that. 

"The quieter you become, the more you can hear." - Ram Dass