Emotional dehydration

Emotions are not coming easily to me.  It's been like this for months.  I feel this unknown weight inside of me - this weight that wants to come bursting out.  This weight that wants to cry and scream and just let it all go.  I want to let go - unload - some of this emotion.

I want to, but I can't.

Not when it comes to directly facing this.  Not when it's just me in a room, alone with my thoughts.

If multiple sclerosis had eyes, I feel like I still couldn't look into them - 5 months later.

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, the only thought that kept creeping into my subconsciousness was this:

"This is my new forever"

And it's true.  This is my "forever."  This will be a constant in my life.  When people, jobs, and homes come and go, this will always be here.  Always.  And I hate that.

I just need to say that... I hate that...



(I know this is depressing, sorry - but unloading it - and writing it - helps)