Three years

Three whole years.

It's unbelievable.

I remember every detail of that moment.  The weather, the room, what I was wearing, who was there.

My heart broke.

And it hasn't healed.

You are missed more than anything, and remembered every second of every day.

I talk a lot about you.  Especially to the boys.  To keep your stories and memories alive.  They always say to me "don't cry, Mom."  But I do, and tell them its okay to cry.  And sometimes they do too.

I know you are with us.  I can feel it.  I know you help me get better when I am really sick.  I know you are out there in the universe.  When a hungry hummingbird comes to our feeder, I know.  When a flash of memory hits me out of nowhere, I know.

I wish I could go back 20 years and tell you how much you taught me and how much I always needed you.

I work hard to continue your legacy.  Your values and goals.  And I'm proud of that.

So today, I'll take a quiet walk through your favourite woods and I'll raise a glass to toast you.  The greatest, strongest woman I have ever known.

And I'll find another story of you to tell the boys.  Your grandsons.  They miss you so.

O will be 9 tomorrow.  The day after you passed is the day he begins a new year.  How lucky he is.  The cycle of life continues.  And both boys are here, learning from you still, and showing the world who you were.

We miss you Mom.  So much.