Relapse

The tingy toes have progressed.  Now it's numb toes and a tingly entire left foot. 

It's been about a week.

It comes and goes in it's severity.  Mornings are the worst - that's when it actually hurts.  After a hike up the hill (plus stroller - with 30 pounds of toddler and kid-stuff in it) to deliver Jack to school, it feels a little more "normal."

So today I made my first call to the MS clinic "relapse line" to announce what was happening.  What an oddly fascinating sick person check-in that is...  "Yes, hello, just calling to let you know I can't feel my toes."  The thing is - there is nothing that can be done for this.  I just wait it out, cross my fingers - and said numb toes - and hope it does not progress further.  If it were worse, I could take a course of IV steroids to speed up the recovery.

It is not pure coincidence that this is happening right now.  I started medication 3 weeks ago, and last week, upped my dose by more than double.  My immune system is basically being attacked by the medication - it lets the MS leap up and grab this de-myelinating opportunity.  What irony.  "You may get worse before you get better" they like to say.  Basically, starting the medication, and allowing my body time to get used to it, is probably going to make me sick. 

The past few days have been an all-too-real downer in the lessons of life.  I am focusing every ounce of my energy into living each moment.  We go to the aquarium, and gym class.  And I find ways for us to be active and busy.  But this little wriggly stream-of-consciousness worm gets into my mind, and it's hard not to imagine the worst.  It's hard for me to smile and pretend I feel fine sometimes.  Honestly - it's exhausting. 

I'll reach my full dose of medication in 10 days.  I am focusing on when my body is healthier, has adapted to the medication, and is tingle-free...  (and when my kids start listening!).  I know it'll happen - all in time...