Life

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

And so it does.  For me.  For us.  Life's pendulum has swung full circle, and we are continuing past the diagnosis.  I am now two weeks into my life changes - meditation, therapy, diet.   I feel okay.  I don't think about MS every second of every day.  I can focus on other things, and focus on being "here."  This "mindfulness" has become a necessity for me, albeit still a challenge.  To take that extra second to to just be in the moment.  To look at or listen to something beautiful.  To feel beautiful, comfortable, and okay being in this body.  It is not a natural sensation yet - more like a forceful conscienciousness.

I think this self-reflection is something we should all be doing.

Even 1 hour of meditation; even 1 hour of therapy.  It all helps.

My emotions have still not settled completely.  Honesty - I don't think my emotional cortex has even processed what is going on.  I don't cry - which amazes me - I find I get more reflective and rational.  I intellectualize things - I find out as much as I can about the medications, treatments, diets.  Placing my finger on what I am feeling is hard.  Sometimes there is nothing, sometimes there is anger, sometimes there is so much sadness.

The kids are adapting too:  Jack has started, and loves, Kindergarten.  Oliver, although desperately missing Jack, is enjoying being the centre of attention.  His shy little smile reminds me of this all day long, and that makes me happy.  I am loving the quiet days of just having one child to contend with.  Home-based stresses have been reduced, which is a good start.  One kid is so easy:  sorry, Jack!

If I hadn't just been diagnosed with MS, I'd think this was just any other day.  And I suppose that's a good thing!