When I first got this diagnosis I was watching a fantastic show called "The Big C." It follows the life of newly diagnosed Cathy (cancer, not MS. And yes, don't worry, I still remember I don't have cancer). She has become my fictional heroine - for all things d-i-a-g-n-o-s-i-s...
Even though the diseases are so different - the process, the reaction, the emotions are identical.
Who would have thought relating to this character, played by Laura Linney, would provide such comfort and reassurance to me. To show me, albeit fictional, that shit does happen, but life does keep going on. And that there are ways I can be in control. There are ways I can enjoy life, enjoy humour, or even go a little crazy (cause she sure does). I got to the point where moments of my diagnostic process were prefaced with the thought "What would Cathy do?" Yes, I actually thought this (sometimes out loud) to see if any voice would answer. And indeed, my subconscious (and craziness... and sometimes my pal Emily) would start talking.... telling me to pick up the phone, be the annoying patient who always gets what she needs and does not back down. Be the woman who just needs to escape for a while or the Mom who needs to pretend dinner doesn't have to get made.
So, I am at the point where the bazillion phone calls have been made. I've used all the connections I could muster. My prescription is at the pharmacy waiting to be filled, the nurse will be here within the week. My to-do list has lost a couple items. God, it feels good to scratch them off.
And for those of you who watch the show, don't worry - I don't have a secret identity just yet!
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