What came first?

The stress or the relapse?

With MS, stress is a key factor in causing, or exacerbating relapses.

A month ago a relapse started - I lost some hearing, had a hard time using my left hand, and was having balance and coordination issues when walking.

I undertook a 3-day course of IV steroids.  My hearing improved incredibly, almost right away. 

And now, it all seems to be happening again.  My hearing is fading, my hand is not as strong and can't grasp very well. 

And this all happened over the course of a couple hours.

This reinforces to me the temporary effectiveness of prednisone when treating an acute MS attack.  It aims to reduce the autoimmune reactions in my brain and spinal cord, but there is no guarantee it will work.  No guarantee those 3 days of drugs will be worth it.  It's a finger-crossing gamble.

Now I am left to wonder what went wrong.  Why are the exact symptoms occurring again, now.  Is the same relapse still happening?  Is this a pseudo-relapse (the same lesions in my brain and spinal cord flicker for a bit but do not last long enough to be a "true" relapse).  I don't know.  And honestly, I don't even want to.  I don't want to make the call to my neurologist updating them on my status.  Confirming again that things are not going as planned.

This is a first for me.  I do not want any new information.

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I am learning how to read my body.  How to notice when I am not feeling well.  When I need to stop everything and just go to sleep. 

I've had a few of those days recently.  Life catches up.  Kids catch up.  And suddenly I am back into my routine of extreme MS fatigue that sends me to bed at 5pm, and never leaves me feeling rested.

And it's hard to make people understand.  They look at you like you are crazy, tell you to drink more coffee, get more sleep or take a day "off."

If those were the solutions, I'd be one happy woman.

Meanwhile, the MS chronicles continue...